Are You Sitting In Compromise?
September 3, 2019
Kylie-Ann Kobelt

One day someone said to me ‘A relationship is over when you are ongoingly compromising your own integrity and beliefs.’

Wow! That was one powerful message. It catapulted me into taking action. Because that’s exactly what I was doing.

Whether it’s a friend, lover, business partner or even a job, there comes the point where some relationships simply run their course. However, when we are emotionally involved, it can be difficult to decide what you should do next. You may feel completely torn and may not know whether to leave, even when the relationship is dis-empowering you. 

So, how can you recognise the relationship or friendship is no longer healthy for you?

Wise choices can put us in control of situations where we might otherwise be tempted to compromise our principles. We cannot control all that happens to us; however, we can choose to be in control of our responses. – L. Lionel Kendrick

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Learn to know when to hold them, know when to fold them and most importantly – know when to walk away!

It’s often hard to know whether you are just going through a rough patch or whether it’s time to call it quits. But every relationship has a few tell-tale signs which will help you understand where your relationship is at and that it is time to let it go.

1)   You are genuinely unhappy, all of the time.

When you see your partner, are you happy? Or do you start to feel stressed or overwhelmed with their presence? When a relationship or job starts to run its course, we stop feeling joy or relief in their presence. Instead, we begin to associate them with negative emotions. Stop holding on to the idea that you are better off hanging on to the relationship. The relationship (or job!) doesn’t define you as a person, and if it’s making you truly unhappy, then it is time to move on.

2)   You’re afraid of being alone.

If someone came to you today and offered you a new job, or a new relationship, would you leave your current one? If the answer is yes, then it may be time to evaluate why you are still staying where you are now. Feeling scared of being alone or being scared of the unknown will, in turn, make it harder for you to live a fulfilling life that makes you truly happy. Build up new friends and new connections. Expand your circles.

3)   You keep making excuses.

“I’m sure he loves me; he just doesn’t know how to show it.” 

“No one loves their job!”

“I’m too old to start again.”

Sound familiar? When we feel stuck and unable to leave, we often start making excuses and start settling. But, they are just that. Excuses. Imagine a friend was in the same situation. Would you tell them to leave or stay? If you would tell them to leave, then ask yourself for what purpose are you staying?

If you find yourself making an excuse entertaining yourself with stories, then it’s time to move on.

4)   You stay, expecting the relationship to change.

If you are staying in your job or staying with your partner because you are expecting them to change, then you will have a problem. Change doesn’t occur overnight, and unfortunately, it doesn’t happen because you wish it would. Do you really want to stay in a job or relationship that doesn’t satisfy you? Expecting someone to change because you want them to is not fair on you and definitely not fair on the other person.

‘If the situation cannot change then change the situation.’

5)   Your fundamental core values and beliefs are different.

Love may be blind, but for a relationship to work, you are going to need to share some similar values and beliefs. Same goes with your workplace. Think about it like this- a vegan would never work in a butcher. Your core values need to align with your relationships; otherwise, it will eventually fester incongruencies, cause arguments, and your relationships then take an uphill battle.

‘Be true yourself.’

Things change; people change. If you are finding yourself experiencing one or more of the above, then is it time to re-evaluate your relationship.

However, if you feel as though you still have a deep and meaningful relationship, it may just simply need some alignment. Be honest with yourself about where the relationship is at. Sometimes relationships go through rocky periods, which can teach us valuable lessons.

Communicate and get clear together of your goals and aspirations.

Get back on each others page by knowing where that is in ‘your’ book.

 

Kylie-Ann Kobelt

Kylie-Ann Kobelt

Personal Life Coach, Business Coach & Change Mentor

 

Hi, I’m Kylie-Ann, it is not the things that happen outside yourself that affect you the most. What goes on inside your head is the most powerful indicator of your success as a person. So, if your thinking becomes clearer and more empowered, so does your life.

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